Reality is Relative

P.A.S.S. Does Not Equal National Work Skip Day

In E-mail on September 3, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Obama 2008

To: Staff

From: If You Don’t Know Who I Am By Now You Shouldn’t Be Working Here

Subject: P.A.S.S. or Parentally Approved Skip School Day

Staff:

I’ve heard rumblings that some of you are planning to keep your children home from school on September 8th because you don’t want them viewing the live feed from President Obama’s Back to School Speech. You don’t want him indoctrinating your kids with his Commie-speak. And that’s completely your prerogative. What I want to address is how this “Parentally Approved Skip School Day” will affect your work on Tuesday. Let me put it plainly so there’s no confusion: IT WON’T. It’s rather sad that I have to list what is unacceptable, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it.

Just because your kids are not in school doesn’t mean we want them here. Continue Reading

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The Missing C

In Short Story, Video on August 30, 2009 at 12:19 am

Go here to watch the related video.

Setting: The dictionary and thesaurus decide to watch television while the owner of the home is away.

Thesaurus: It’s my turn to have the remote today, so get ready to watch whatever I want. In fact, after what you made us watch last time, I’m just going to put it on scan and we’ll watch whatever the TV lands on.

Dictionary: But what if it’s something you don’t want to watch either? Wouldn’t it be easier to just pick a channel yourself?

Thesaurus: It’s my day to pick, so I’ll pick the way I want to. Stop trying to control everything!

The scan lands on Fox News during Glenn Beck’s program.

Dictionary: You sure you don’t want to change the channel?

Thesaurus: Didn’t I say stop trying to run stuff? Just sit there and watch. Ooh, goody, he’s making an acronym on a chalk board of the topics he’s going to talk about later. SCORE!

Dictionary: Looks like the words are Obama, The Left, Internationalist, Graft, Acorn, Revolutionaries and Hidden Agendas.

Thesaurus: Now he’s circling letters and he’s going to make an acronym. See this is right up our alley. Continue Reading

I AM

In Poem on August 27, 2009 at 4:05 am

I AM America

I AM fried, and laid down on the side

I AM crispy, yet soft

I AM filled with so many calories you won’t need to eat another meal that day

I AM filled with a nice creamy center

I AM a bacon lover

I AM extra cheesy

I AM coming to clog an artery near you

I AM the home of the souls of hormone and antibiotic-filled chickens

I AM so wrong, how can’t I be right?

I AM so good you won’t need a side dish

I AM so special I don’t need bread

I AM a KFC creation

I AM just crazy enough to start a KFC chicken shortage and subsequent riot/protest

I AM an odd follow-up to a supposedly healthy grilled chicken option

I AM only being test-marketed right now

Continue Reading